Written by Sleaze
For example
(the effortless shockers):
fatty mc fat fat pants
hello my stoner girlfriend.. what you up toooo??
YOU HAVE ANY PLANS TONIGHT?
So at the end of the day Your a Wu Tang Killah Bee on the Sworm
Its Saturday... sticky iky iky
Hi i noticed ur profile and i was wondering if u be interested in making $2 million in 4 months? u even get a legal contract to guarantee u the money so u cant lose, please message me back
loll...i'm ready to play the game buuut only if i could win a cookie at the end :D
Let's do some drugs ? :P
shwing
What up home slice?
Hi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How are you, how is you week going ?????????? You are so gorgeous on you photo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good day My lady, Welcome to my colours and do share some of your smile here to know me and join me out of this murky waters; what is your name and lets talk; lets meet and lets go gin - gin
Hey, how is your New Years going? You are gorgeous and seem like you can be a lot of fun, are you into couples by any chance?
yes... I am 6'9... Now that the question you have been dying to ask is answered, how is your day going?
OMG, sorry, not trying to disrespect, but I will be very honest.
If I had the chance I would go down on you all damn night.
No reciprocation required at all. That is your call.
But I would love to explore you with nothing but my tongue and lips.
Like I said, not trying to be crude, just honest
(the not-taking-being-ignored-repeatedly-for-an-answer repeaters):
pofguy69 1/11/2012 10:24:16 AM Hey there..how are you?
pofguy69 1/13/2012 11:23:10 AM Hey there..how are you?
pofguy69 1/23/2012 12:57:00 PM Hey there..how are you?
randompofdude 1/16/2012 11:06:53 PM hey how's it going??
randompofdude 1/23/2012 2:06:40 AM hey how's it going??
pof2012kingshit 1/20/2012 4:47:17 PM Bet u look sexy in pantyhose I would even pay to see that
pof2012kingshit 1/22/2012 2:31:46 PM Wow I would pay to see ur legs in sexy sockings
pofbabydaddy 1/6/2012 8:19:32 PM Hey there! What's going on girl?? What's up for the weekend??
pofbabydaddy 1/11/2012 8:57:18 PM WOW WHAT A FOX!!! shit YOUR A SEXYMUTHAFUCKA!!
poflover 1/24/2012 10:02:35 AM good morning luv. how's it going today? are you enjoying yor time on pof?
poflover 1/24/2012 6:02:24 PM Good evening luv. How's it going tonight? Enjoying the new year?
thisguyfrompof 12/22/2011 9:12:46 AM hey where in toronto u from sexy
thisguyfrompof 1/4/2012 10:55:44 AM hey where in toronto u from
thisguyfrompof 1/7/2012 10:53:41 AM hey sexy where in toronto u from wanna hang out
thisguyfrompof 1/14/2012 12:42:36 PM hey where in toronto u from
one I actually had a conversation with:
MRpatient 1/4/2012 10:59:48 AM .........So if your down for that one of these nights you let me know. I swear I'm a gentlemen, I tell you this cause I hear the horror stories from some friends I have about the crazy guys on this site lol. I'm not one of them
MRpatient 1/4/2012 11:49:29 AM Ok I hope I didn't freak you out sleaze. If I don't hear from you, good luck and take care
sleaze 1/4/2012 4:00:54 PM What?? What do you mean freak me out? Are you coocoo. Just read your last message, nothing creepy there as far as I can tell.
MRpatient 1/4/2012 4:04:08 PM Oh ok just making sure...
MRpatient 1/4/2012 4:04:43 PM ;-)
MRpatient 1/4/2012 9:18:00 PM So Miss. Sleaze let me know if sometime in the near future you would be down for a little session in the T.O...I'd come down and bring some weed or drinks ;-) ttyl
sleaze 1/5/2012 8:51:13 AM Yaya I'll let you know
MRpatient 1/5/2012 10:45:45 AM Ok sweet ;-) keep me posted then!
MRpatient 1/6/2012 1:12:12 PM ok keep this guy posted...sometime next week if your interested
MRpatient 1/7/2012 2:48:40 PM Let me know if were gonna link up
sleaze 1/8/2012 10:39:36 AM Lol be patient
MRpatient 1/8/2012 4:30:56 PM I'm Mr. Patient lol ;-)
MRpatient 1/17/2012 12:39:14 PM What's going on? I've been patient lol I guess you already found someone so take care :-)
(the over-achievers):
Hello, my name is ________ how are you? I really enjoyed reading your interesting and unique profile as it shows very good traits and common things we have and that I must say you have a good mind set and you have a good head on your shoulders. Anyways a little about me I'm a twin with blue eyes brown hair, I love to go camping, swimming, drawing, skiing, shopping, going to martial arts and I enjoy cooking. I hate people who play head games, cheat, use and lie, I don't smoke or do drugs and rarely to not drink. I love summer and dislike winter. My music I like is techno, rock and classic. Well I hope I haven't bored you yet... I just wanted to be honest and tell you upfront what I think in detailed just how you are uniquely beautiful you are in both personality and beauty. The beauty of your looks are astonishing how your mysterious and colourful complexion, your sweet lips and your soft and curved body and your beautiful face as the light shines on you like the colours of the fall on a mid warm day and the night sky shines through your. every part of you tells me a story but has a deeper meaning behind it as well. I see the true goddess in you so pure, innocent, care free and loving and I have more to say but i’m getting tired and I am not wanting this to sound forward just being complementary. hope this helps you realize just how purely and truthful your beauty.
Hi
I just viewed ur profile and I am very intrigued.
U r spectacular looking!
I am from ____________ and I am in Ontario once per month on business.
I am looking for a sexy open minded woman to spend some time with. I am attractive and extremely generous and I also understand the value of ur time and take that seriously.
Due to this I am willing to compensate for ur time.
If u r interested please send me a message. If u r not please excuse my intrusion. I meant no disrespect.
Also please know that your picture and bio have made my day.
Thank you and have a great day.
_________
About the best profile I've seen on here yet...
Lots of deep investigation into things makes the return to a superficial view delightfully harmonious with an appreciation of underlying values. Flowers are no less useful to an ecological system for being pretty,
just as a dazzlingly beautiful woman has no less intricate a character, no less vibrant a spirit, on account of the failure by some to see beyond a gorgeous surface...
I'm given the impression of an honest woman who's suitably (if not perfectly) self-aware and comfortable. I'd really like to discover that your taste in films isn't too definitive of your sense of humor, but I can learn to be open-minded.
I'm a pretty big fan of wit, and can appreciate solemnity, (though I usually break it, at least privately) and sometimes I can even be clever. Mostly though, I go for simple joys - I can find a way to laugh over just about anything, and am often stopped in awe over the simple beauty of a given day's sun-setting sky. (Alas, I don't get many direct sunrises these days, my favourite). I like getting high, and enjoy the occasional foray into familiar chemicals I can be comfortable with saying goodbye to. A drug that sucks on the come-down is an easy one to abuse...
Anyway, thought I'd say hello. I think a site like this isn't meant to replace anything about dating/socializing, but rather just to provide an interface to start things - I like the idea of talking awhile anonymously before even thinking about meeting in person, whatever anyone's particular intentions, right?
the WINNER!
There is an ashy, soft glow, sighing within her dazzling eyes
Behind her stone-gray wall, her gates and bridges; mystery’s’ princess cries
She’s a Gypsy Seductress, with Egyptian eyes
She is a sorceress and a firefly that mesmerizes, captivates, then hides
Just when you think you’ve finally found her book of spells
She whirls around you, holds you hypnotized
Gypsy Seductress a thief in the night
She’s an easy believer / deceiver, if you can never do her wrong
To be with her’s an effort, but don’t try to hard to love her
She’ll be moving on
Gypsy Seductress, strings you along
She wears a fools’ gold gown and silver;
sparkling neath a crescent desert moon
If you stare too long, the violet sea will take her and you into its tomb
Around her neck, she wears ten thousand dried and emptied shattered shells
Her long, silk hair’s the colour of Egyptian sands;
an alluring vale, she stares you in
But you can tell, to heaven or to hell
Gypsy Seductress, she’s knows you all too well
If you stay too long inside her room of mirrors, the reflections will have won
Gypsy Seductress, She’ll eclipse you like the sun
Gypsy Seductress, wherever she came from
.....
Speaking of tactics, recent events have made me think hard on just how most people get though the brutally superficial people screening tool that is POF and ever actually end up on a date. As we all know well by now, my screening process is a pretty hard nut to crack. And even being the hard-ass that I am, I still end up with the occasional fucktard. The occasional fucktard, 90% dudes that I'm not really into who aren't really into me, and 5% varying levels of awesomeness. Recently, for a little while I found myself slightly lacking in the date department due to my insanely high standards. Maybe a little of that time was spent wishing and waiting around for date number 6 but I'll revisit that subject later. Anyway, for awhile I had so many dates it was getting to be like a part-time job. Full-time if you include the time on POF and the blogging. And then a nice long period of nothing, because no-one was hitting my criteria on the mark. So I thought maybe I should be a little more open-minded. And then the other day a guy started talking to me who appeared good looking, well dressed, late 20's in his pics but a little annoying in his messages.
He seems smart, well spoken, and good humoured but keeps calling me 'hun' and 'bella' and I kinda wanna punch him in the face. Without too much wasted time getting to know each others entire "personalities" online, the texting begins. He's not quite so smart now, and a little more annoying. But hey, may as well check it out. Worst case: bad date good story. At least he's good looking. So we pick a day and time and an outdoor meeting place and plan to head to a pub. I text him and tell him I'm there as he is nowhere to be found. He tells me he's on his way. Asks me how I'm dressed. Says he looks a little 'funky retro'. Oh..k. So all of a sudden "Hey Sleaze, how are you, nice to meet you!"
And I'm looking at a COMPLETE stranger. Everyone on POF is a complete stranger, I know. But this is actually not the same person as the one in his pictures. Literally, not one thing about him is recognizable in comparison to those photos. Almost opposite. WTFffffffffff. So I tense up and look at him quizzically.
"Hi."
As he's talking about a pub he knows up the street and we start walking towards it my mind is going a mile a minute in different directions. Did I make a mistake? Did I cross messages or something? This guy is acting like nothing abnormal is going on. This is fucked up. Am I crazy? Or blind? Is it him? Can't be. Double take. Nope. No chance ever of any kind of attraction. The opposite of ladywood. Pretty sure my vagina just evaporated into a black hole. Should I just leave? Could it be a mistake? Would it be insanely cruel to walk away from this person? Yes it would. I'm not that evil. Am I? I mean, REALLY. Wtf. No...not so evil. Ok. Can I really go through with this though? 20 minutes. The story. The story. THE STORY. WTFFFFfffff.
So we walk into this little dungeon of a pub. There are a couple suits scattered around but its nearly vacant. We walk over to one of those tables thats half chairs half booth, where the booth runs the length of the wall. We are at a corner. He politely moves out of the way to allow me to take the comfortable booth seat. And then, wait for it--sits beside me. How many times can I re-iterate WTFFFFFffffjfjhfadhfhhfkadfkjfhFUCK.
And now, for the second time, I'm backed into a corner. Pun intended.
I cant help but cross all of my appendages in the direction opposite to facing him. My body is rejecting this situation with force. I'm craning my neck awkwardly towards him so that I'm not actually completely turned in the other direction. Though I might feel more comfortable conversing with the wall I'm nearly wedged up against.
He starts to go through the list of questions he cleverly thought of in advance. From my answers to his interrogation he expertly determines that I'm fun and free spirited and I know myself, but very guarded. I mean, look at my body language. Not that I haven't heard that one before. From dudes who I would rather clean a Mcdicks bathroom after the overnight on Saturday than ever have anywhere near my face. So this is where I pipe up.
Oh, did you want to know why I'm guarded? Well I'll fucking tell you because you might learn something. I'm physically guarded because you're a complete stranger to me and you're sitting right beside me. Who does that? You could be my best friend and it would still be weird for two people to sit beside each other when no-one else is there. Just saying.
He thinks that there are too many barriers in this world. Everyone is so closed off these days. People need to be more open and accepting.
ACCEPTING!?!
Now lets get started on why I'm mentally guarded. How do you expect people to accept false ADVERTISING? I mean, there is a difference between a happy meal hamburger and a big mac. If I'm happy with the hamburger and order that, FINE. But when I order and pay for a big mac, I want a fucking big mac.
I try to calm down and not totally annihilate this person. Try to remind myself that there is a human being sitting there beside me and blasting him with insults isn't going to do any good to me or him. So I settle for matter-of-factly telling him that I'm aware he's a different man than the one in the pictures he put up and that I don't think its a good idea for him to use those pictures as a tactic to lure women into meeting him because he's literally not that person and its deceptive. And being deceptive ("in most cases" says Sleaze the hypocrite) is wrong. He says it is him, four years ago. Whatever. I mean, maybe in bizzarro world in some other fucking dimension co-existing with ours through an invisible time-warp or some shit. But fine, thats you, four years ago. Point being, you are unrecognizable from those pictures.
Take it or leave it.
I, the new online dating expert, explain that in order to have successful dates, you have to be as completely honest about yourself as possible. Because if people don't like you and don't want to date you, why would you want to date them? Maybe this is a personal choice of being an under-achiever when it comes to men, but if you don't want me as I am; oh well! Never gonna chase after you (at least not very far) or try to look like/be like/act like someone who you might take an interest in. Fuck that. I'm too awesome. And there are too many people who will immediately recognize my awesomeness who are also on this super level of awesome.
He says he'll take the picture down. Alas, Sleaze is right again. Don't do it for me though, because this ship sailed at hello.
He notices my eyes wandering to the door where hot guys who are my age keep entering and apologizes that the bar is getting so crowded. Uh...what? Did I mention he is not in fact in his twenties or even early thirties as far as I can tell? Or if he is he must be really, really tired? He asks if I ever take trips to small towns in the area. I don't have a car. Oh, thats ok, because he does. Whaaat? He shows me pictures that female POF users have texted to him. Several of them look like jail bait...just an observation. He disagrees. None of my business!
The short date ends without too much pain and I'm on my way home shuddering all the way. And it ain't that cold out.
Luckily I have another date tomorrow that can't be nearly this bad.
Turns out that date (the day after the train-wreck disaster date) ended up being the most memorable POF date to date.
Was it romantic? No.
Was it love at first sight? No.
Was it too inappropriate for me to write about and post online? Yes.
Am I going to anyway? Yes.
Stay tuned ;)
Lovelovelove from Sleaze
